


Pretend You're Never Leaving Me

by patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers



Series: Just Let Me Hold You [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Outing, Trans Character, Transphobia, violence mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 12:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2269698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers/pseuds/patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Nitori is forcibly outed  at school, he fears that his and Rin's relationship can no longer be.</p><p>((Part 2 but can stand alone))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretend You're Never Leaving Me

Nitori was inspecting himself in front of the big mirror in the bathroom, again. He did this often now; scrutinizing his features, making faces at himself, smiling, scowling. He’d never considered himself to be particularly good looking. His hair was a weird colour and he was way too scrawny, but today especially he looked like hell. He was filthy, covered in dirt and dried leaves. His face was bruised and swollen, his lip busted open and bleeding. The entire left side of his face was turning a nasty shade of purple, and he could hardly open his eye.  
He wasn’t sure how they had found out, he had been so careful. He always waited until the other boys were out of the shower before he changed, never went to the bathroom in groups, tried to be subtle about his monthly injections. His parents had even dished out a ton of money to make sure Nitori would be treated properly by teachers and staff but, in the end, he had been naive to think he could ever live a normal life.

This wasn’t the first time he had been abused for being transgender, and he knew it probably wouldn't be his last. He would always be too different. An outcast. A freak. No amount of money or influence could change that. Nitori whimpered as he started to clean his wounds but not because the alcohol stung. He just wanted to feel normal for once in his life but it seemed as though from the moment he was born, he was strange.

In his own mind, Nitori had always been a boy. It was so obvious to him, but the rest of the world seemed hellbent on proving him wrong. The first time he remembered feeling out of place in his own body was when he was around 4 years old and the boys in his neighborhood were teasing him, saying girls were smelly and laughing when he asked to play. He had tried to tell them he was a boy too but they didn’t believe him. He remembered how it hurt so bad that he had run home and took a pair of scissors to his long silvery hair one day. He recalled his mother’s bewilderment but after he explained that he felt so much better now that he looked like a boy his mom seemed to understand.

Not long after that, Nitori had an appointment to see a therapist specialising in Gender Identity. At the time, he was still young, not older than seven or eight but he remembered the joy he felt when his mother announced that he wouldn’t have to wear dresses anymore. They bought him a new all-boy wardrobe, new toys and even painted his room. He got to wear boy pants, sleep in a race car bed, and his parents even called him their son. He didn’t know it then but this would be the greatest thing his parents have ever done for him.  
It wasn’t all easy, of course. Transitioning is always hard, especially as he got older. Some kids in his class just didn’t understand, and he has paid the price for their ignorance more times than he cared to admit. He had hoped going to a new school, an all boys high school, would help though. No one would know him or his past. It could be a fresh start. He could be himself with no strings attached. The beginning of the year had gone well, better than he expected. For the first time since he started school, Nitori had felt just like one of the guys. No one shut him out of conversations or shot him disgusted or confused looks. He was more comfortable speaking up in class and going to parties. He had even managed to make a couple friends. Then, of course, there was Rin.

The impassioned redhead seemed absolutely godsent to Nitori. He was beautiful and athletic and strong. He was full of life and dreams and passion but best of all, he loved Nitori. The grey-haired boy couldn’t understand why exactly, but it was obvious Rin cared for him. He was the only one who knew the truth but never treated him any differently. He made him feel normal. Nitori considered himself lucky to be with someone so accepting. Not everyone was. His battered face was proof enough of that.

Nitori gripped the edge of the sink. He knew that feeling of belonging could never last, that the fragile self-esteem he had built up over the past year was just a time bomb waiting to go off. He knew it would happen eventually but even so, he hadn’t been ready. He just wanted a few more months of peace. A few months of normal, of happy, of Rin. There was no way that Rin could stay with him now. Even though Rin didn’t try to hide the fact that he was bi around school, and he wasn’t afraid to defend himself or his relationship with Nitori, it was all a lost cause now. No one would want to be friends with a tiny little tranny boy who could never seem to get a decent haircut and nothing Rin could say or do would stop that. They would both become targets now. Nitori sank to the floor, feeling sick. He knew what he had to do. All he ever wanted was for Rin to be happy but that couldn’t happen if he was hitched to Nitori’s freakshow. If Rin didn’t break up with him immediately after seeing his face, Nitori would do it for him.

It’s for the best. Nitori told himself, rolling into fetal position. It’s for the best...

He was still laying, balled up, on the bathroom floor when Rin came home.

“Hey, Ai.” Rin greeted from the entrance as he always did. Nitori could hear him toss his backpack onto his desk and flop down on his bed.  
He didn’t answer.

“Oi, Aiichirou!” Rin called, louder this time. The sounds of bed springs echoed through the small dorm. “You here?”  
Nitori whimpered and curled in tighter on himself, hiding his face under his arms. He heard Rin get up again and then his footsteps drawing closer. The bathroom door swung open.

“What the hell are you doing?” Nitori could almost hear him rolling his eyes. He felt Rin’s presence as he knelt down next to him and shook his shoulder lightly. “Get up. You look ridiculous.”

“Go away.” Nitori whined. “I want to be alone.”

There was a long paused as Rin drew his hand away. “Ai, is everything okay?”

He shook his head very slightly.

“Come on, talk to me.” Rin’s voice was full of concern as he tried to wrestle Nitori out of his huddled over position. Nitori struggled but in the end, Rin won and he ended up sprawled across the bathroom floor, looking up at the redhead towering over him. His eyes scanned over his face and immediately locked on to the bruises.

“Oh.. Ai..” He murmured. One hand flicked out as if to caress his face but he stopped part way through the gesture so that his hand hovered awkwardly in the air between them. He didn’t move or say anything else, just stared back at the silver haired boy, jaw clenched tight.

Nitori tried to put on a brave face, he couldn’t let Rin see how bad it hurt but after only a few moments of silence, his resolve broke down entirely. He started to cry, huge sobs racking his small body. He threw his hands up over his face so Rin couldn’t see him. He felt so pathetic.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He wailed, trying to crawl away from Rin’s gaze but the other boy grabbed his arms and pulled him back before he could get too far. He fell hard into Rin’s lap and latched onto the boy’s shoulder, despite himself. He was desperate for any sort of comfort. His breathing was growing more and more laboured as he continued to bawl into Rin’s shirt. “I’m s-so sorry, Rin!”

“Don’t be sorry.” Rin’s voice rumbled through his strong chest. His fingers threaded themselves though Nitori’s hair as he held him closer. “This isn’t your fault. It’s not your fault.”

“Th-They found out.” Nitori explained unnecessarily. “Everyone is going to know now. Oh, God!”

“I know. It’s okay.” Rin wrapped his legs around Nitori and rocked them both together. Nitori wasn’t use to Rin being so gentle but he was glad. He melted into his embrace and Rin allowed him to cry himself out.

His shirt was nearly soaked through by the time Nitori could sit up a little on his own.

“Feeling better?” Rin asked, brushing Nitori’s silver hair back. The boy shrugged and wiped his face on his sleeve. “Here, let me see.”

Rin took his face gently into his hand and examined his battered features. The look in his eyes was soft, caring. A look so far removed from his usual cold, detached demeanor that Nitori thought it almost cruel. It would make what he had to do now so much harder.

Nitori wriggled from Rin’s grasp and knelt in front of him. His eyes were cast down to the floor, his hands wrung together nervously. He was glad he had just finished crying or else he might have started up again as he drew in a deep, shaky breath, “I think we should break up.”

Rin’s brow furrowed, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m a freak, Rin. Everyone is going to hate me. I.. I can’t change that but you don’t have to be a freak too. You can get away from me and my weirdness.” Nitori set his jaw and looked up at Rin, a look of determination on his face. He was so beautiful. The way his hair fell perfectly into his face, the sternness of his eyes, the steep slope of his nose. He couldn’t drag him down anymore. “We can’t be together. You deserve better than me.”

Rin’s expression grew dark, almost dangerous. His red eyes burned like embers. “We’re not breaking up, idiot. Not like this. It’s not going to happen like this, I swear to fucking God, Nitori.”

“But, Senpai, I-”

“No, shut up right now! Don’t you understand anything at all?!” Rin cut him off as he jumped to his feet. His voice was absolutely dripping in choler. Nitori shrunk back into himself as Rin towered over him. “If you think for one goddamn second I’m going to lose you over something so stupid, you’ve got another thing coming! I don’t care what everyone else thinks! I don’t care if every single douchebag in this entire school hates me because of it, I still want to be with you because you are amazing just the way you are! Do you really think I’m that shallow? That I would want to leave you over something so superficial?”

Tears welled behind Nitori’s eyes once again. He hadn’t considered that possibility, that Rin, that anyone, could love him that much. Nitori felt sick once again. He really was an idiot. “No, I’m sorry..”

“You should be sorry!” Rin growled. “But not because of that. Quit being so hard on yourself! You’re not a freak, Ai and if you ever even imply that you are again I will break your stupid adorable face, you got that?!” Nitori whimpered again and nodded his understanding. Rin’s face softened again as he sat back down on the floor next to his boyfriend.

“Whoever did this too you is an idiot and they’re missing out on getting to know a really incredible person, because that’s what you are. Incredible. Don’t let their stupidity make you miss out on the best parts of yourself too.”

Nitori nodded furiously and the next instant, Rin’s arms were wrapping around him. Nitori returned the hug as he whispered, “Thank you..”

“Don’t thank me.” Rin muttered and for the first time he realized Rin had started to tear up as well. The redhead pressed his face into Nitori’s neck. “I was being selfish. I really didn’t want to lose you. You scared the crap out of me.”

“I did?”

“Yes, you moron. I love you way too much to let you go like that.” Rin kissed the curve of his shoulder.

Nitori sighed happily as he clutched to the other boy, nuzzling against him. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, questions, concerns? Send me a message at patronsaintofdirtyfilthylovers.tumblr.com


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